I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
