how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
