Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
