sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
