look no pants
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
