I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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