Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
