The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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