There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
