you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
