Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my phone needs a breathalizer
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
