Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
