I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
