If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
