Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
