You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
