I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
