I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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