He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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