As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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