she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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