My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
