It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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