Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
