If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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