That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
