how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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