Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
