Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
