your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
