Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I have post one night stand depression
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
