OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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