There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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