I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
