i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
