Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
