He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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