Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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