did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
