don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
