Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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