just tell him i said nine months
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
