she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Im part way to drunk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
