I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
