everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
