it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
