I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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