I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm both gender and math confused
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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