i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
