I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
