Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I could make wine with my vomit
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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