I could have mohawked her pubes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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